Derek Jones is currently the center of attention in a scandal that rocked the Anglican Church in North America (ACNA). Derek has problems with his ego and his anger. Several people went to the Archbishop of the ACNA and complained about the way Derek treats people, which led to him being suspended, pending the completion of an investigation to see if an ecclesiastical court is necessary to charge him with violating the canons of the ACNA.
But Derek was not about to allow himself to be examined by a trial court, so he left the ACNA, took about half of his chaplains with him, and started a rival church. Anger and ego again.
Had the ACNA been more “on the ball” they could have contacted Derek’s old denomination (the Evangelical Episcopal Church) to uncover even more scandal. I knew Derek when we were both in the same diocese under Dr. Michael Simmons. I was a priest and Army chaplain, Derek was a deacon preparing for ordination to the priesthood. It seems that Derek wasn’t too happy with Dr. Simmons because he dared to follow the process involved in moving from the transititional diaconate to priesthood.
So Derek just up and left Dr. Simmons and found himself another bishop who would not only immediately ordain him to the priesthood…he would make him a bishop too! And that’s what happened to Derek.
You see, Derek has massive insecurities about appearances as well as problems with anger and ego. And when you mix all this up, you get an insecure man of little substance who takes out his anger and self-loathing on subordinates…all the while gaming systems and fooling people by “looking good” so he can “get ahead”.
In short, Derek Jones is a fraud.
In fairness to Derek, I ran afoul of him ten years ago. He was my former endorsing agent when I was with the ACNA. But Derek decided that my wife divorcing me was the right time to try to put me through a witch hunt instead of doing his due diligence and getting to the truth about my marriage and my ex-wife’s mental health challenges. And in the midst of all this, Derek violated his ordination vows by revealing privileged information in written documents.
I was angry for a long time, but not now. I believe what Derek and another bishop (Bill Murdoch) intended for evil, God intended for good and the salvation of many. Not the least of which is no longer being in the ACNA and free of the dysfunction found therein.
But I am concerned about the people still in the clutches of Derek in his little club where he gets to be the big cheese. And anything I can do to expose tyranny – especially in the Church – is part of my calling.
In 2015, I turned 50. I also moved my family to Connecticut to become the vicar of New Hope Anglican Church in Oakville. This was to be my “second career” ministry as I wanted to pastor the wonderful people of New Hope until I retired.
When I left Saint Robert, Missouri, I felt unaware of the awful earthquake coming to my marriage. Alisa and I were married in June 2004, had a beautiful special needs daughter that we both adored, and had navigated some choppy waters when I came home from Iraq in 2007. I loved Alisa very much, but I was not the perfect husband. She wasn’t the perfect wife either. In fact, she had an ulterior agenda I never knew. I later found out she started undermining our marriage the day after our legal wedding. She never told me she went to find out how to annul our marriage. Throughout our relationship, she was secretive and hid things from me. She didn’t deal with her own issues…she was more content to blame me for her personal lack of happiness or fulfillment in her life. In short, Alisa began planning to destroy our family from the beginning.
Alisa was my second wife. My first wife left me for another man. It was a similar story: Deb was secretive and deceptive, didn’t deal with her own personal issues, but blamed me for everything wrong in her life and her disappointment in our relationship. Whereas Alisa just destroyed our family and ran for home, Deb destroyed our family and took our children with her into a relationship with an abusive man who did untold damage to our children.
Truth is that I share responsibility for these two situations. My family of origin issues are plenteous…involving gender roles, communication, closeness and distance, and of course managing personal issues by blaming the other marriage partner for unhappiness. My targeting computer was flawless both times to select women guaranteed to recreate my parents’ marriage and then drag children into the mess. I am responsible.
After moving the family to Connecticut and beginning my ministry with New Hope, something went very wrong. Alisa was miserable. One day, our daughter and I were laughing and making funny little jokes about things when Alisa exploded. It was the event that brought me to the realization that she was struggling and frustrated to a flashpoint. We talked about the situation a couple of days later. I told her that her unhappiness was not something I could fix…that she needed to find her own answers. I would be with her and do what I could to encourage her and love her, but she needed to do the work.
Her answer was to move out and take our daughter back to Missouri.
Right away I contacted the man I thought was my bishop to explain what happened. In retrospect, resigning was the right decision at that point. Lesson learned…
What followed was a disaster of the highest order. Without getting into the weeds, Alisa eventually sued for divorce, I did resign from being the Vicar of New Hope, and my life turned upside down.
What made things worst was the bishops. Their level of incompetence was astounding. Their lack of honesty and boundaries was frankly the most unprofessional of any clerics I’ve ever seen or experienced. In short, I became the scapegoat and “bad guy”.
But it wasn’t just the two bishops involved, it was the lay leadership of the congregation. They treated me like I was a leper and left me to “die on the vine”. In fairness, one of the bishops directed them to behave that way, but they didn’t respond in Christian charity…and for that, I blame them for their choices.
It’s been ten years since all this played out. I disappeared from institutional church for 7 years because of the severe psychological trauma inflicted on me. By God’s grace and the wisdom of Mike and Susan Warnke, I was able to slowly make my way back…and now, my priesthood intact and restoration completed, I am able to function as a shepherd with Fr. John Prenger, a dear friend and my “boss”. He has helped restore trust in clergy.
Why am I sharing this story? It’s not to grind an axe. By God’s grace, I’ve forgiven the people involved in this sad time of my life…and believe they should be forgiven by everyone. No, I have two goals. First, I want to give hope to my fellow clerics that God’s gifts and callings are without repentance. You are not anathema if personal crisis comes. There is hope.
Second, I want to send a message to people who were harmed by one of the primary actors in my saga, Derek Jones. Again, you are not alone…his weaknesses and limitations personally and professionally cannot destroy your ministry and family unless you give in to the hatred and bitterness. Derek’s saga is a sad one…and is playing out in the press now. Do not rejoice in his suffering…pray for him and his family. But most importantly, take care of yourself and your families.
This is not the tale of a hero who overcame evil to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of destruction. God forbid you think that! I am a sinner who did so many things wrong in this drama…in marriage, in ministry, and in the aftermath of my sad defrocking. No, this is about a magnificent Savior…who graciously saved a sinner by grace. And if there is a hero here, it is Jesus Christ.
I sat down to write a blog entry about two bishops for the corruption and incompetence they contributed to an event that took place ten years ago. The goal was to expose these men publicly as a warning to those who find themselves “under” their leadership.
I deleted the post.
I could not adequately separate the facts of my case from my emotions. The post became venting and grinding an axe. The inner voice of the Holy Spirit warned me about exposing my process so publicly. The truth? I was playing in the same mud the two episcopal thugs threw around so wantonly. As the old story goes, when you wrestle with a pig you just get disgustingly dirty and the pig likes it!
Another story seems especially meaningful to this circumstance. In an interview done back in the 1990s, Dr. Wayne Dyer told a powerful and beautiful story about real forgiveness. HE said this: “Forgiveness is the aroma left from the flower of the shoe that crushes it.” This profound metaphor exposes my ongoing healing process, telling me the journey is only partly complete.
Fr. Terry Hedrick pastors Church of the Resurrection in Wichita, KS. He remains one of the most blunt and candid persons I know…so much so that it cuts through the normal nonsense down to the simple facts and truths many of us deny. He is a gem of a man and a great resource for his congregation.
At a clergy gathering, this writer made mention that of the desire to spare people the painful experiences experienced in ministry. Fr. Terry jumped in and reprimanded with his usual honesty. To paraphrase his statement, he said that we need to get over both the wounds that keep us in the past and focus our time and attention on what God wants from us in the future. This touched on the truth that too many times we wallow in our own self-pity and project a victim persona. Totally unproductive.
The time has come to put the past behind and strive for a better future. To stop focusing on the corruption and incompetence of others and focus on my own foibles, personality flaws, and areas of ignorance…so I can grow up and become what Christ destines for me.
I hope I can spread the fragrance of forgiveness to all those denied it over the years. And time to pray earnestly for those who need it from my past, both those who supported me in tough moments and those who chose another course of action.
Jimmy Swaggert died about two weeks ago after an agonizing period of suffering from a cardiac event. His death, like his life, was a reminder to all of us who love Jesus that, “what goes around, comes around.” In this case, the agony of suffering is a theme in Jimmy’s life, which is the theme of this essay.
Swaggert was ordained by one of the most unusual organizations I know: The Assembly of God. They sponsored his ministry and took in millions of dollars from his music and crusade offerings. Their role in Jimmy’s suffering becomes clearer later in this journey, but we start here because the Assembly of God gave Swaggert his institutional credentials for his ministry, both as an evangelist and a Gospel singer.
Swaggert had no formal education. His theology showed it. His simplistic and often twisted hermeneutics left professional ministers puzzled by his claims. None perhaps more than his anthropology and soteriology. Swaggert taught that when a person is converted, they are totally washed clean…that they aren’t really “sinners” anymore. And then when they are “baptized in the Holy Ghost”, they are empowered to live the Christian life as “new men”…tempted, but without sin. So Jim Bakker – a man he helped expose for his own sins of the flesh – was obviously a charlatan to Swaggert, who went on multiple diatribes against Bakker on his ministry TV program. Like too many in Pentecostal circles, he also regularly committed the ancient heresy of Montanism. Essentially, this means that prophesy and other spiritual gifts can supersede the clear teaching of Scripture just by adding, “The Lord said…” This will also come back into this story…as we see a suffering man try to justify his sin by saying these very words.
In 1988, his theology was exposed for the public to see. Swaggert, a married man, was seen in the presence of prostitutes. The inference was clear that he was having sexual relationships outside of his marriage with women of the night. This behavior was more than just sinful, it revealed a serious flaw in his character and significant problems in his marriage. I won’t “psychoanalyze” Swaggert at this point…but I think it is safe to say that he was a man suffering on many levels, including his sexual appetite.
Re-enter the Assembly of God. Swaggert was pulled into a meeting with his local (and biased) leadership in the AOG where he was confronted for his grievous sin. Swaggert confessed apparently, which was both prudent and accurate. The end result was that the leaders of the AOG in Louisiana put him under a sort of discipline for 3 months – no public ministry – and he had to publicly confess his fall from his own pulpit. Swaggert agreed to those terms and he followed them.
Now enter the International leadership of the Assembly of God. They were not satisfied with these terms, so they dragged the Louisiana leadership into a meeting, demanding that Swaggert be silenced for two years. Y-E-A-R-S. This was what their governing documents required of a clergyman who needed rehabilitation in the wake of public sin. So the Louisiana AOG brought Swaggert back for another meeting and made clear he would need to stay out of the pulpit and the piano for two years.
Swaggert held a public press conference where he refused to abide by the two years because it would do too much damage to the ministry. My translation is that Swaggert was looking at the loss of millions of dollars from concerts, crusades, and television appeals. In other words, Swaggert was more motivated by dollars and cents than his own character and (most of all) his spiritual health.
The International Assembly of God defrocked Swaggert.
Then a few years later, Swaggert was found with another prostitute. This time, he went on his stage and told the gathered congregation that God told him to tell them it was none of their business. The spiritual smugness, arrogance, and temerity of such a move still shocks me to this day.
In the intervening years, multiple people who worked for the various departments of Jimmy Swaggert Ministries exposed the inner working and personalities of Swaggert and his wife, Frances. The “ministry” was a cash cow. The real power behind the scenes was not Jimmy, but Frances…who was apparently a nasty person to her staff and volunteers. The inference I draw from this is that Jimmy was in a marriage with a woman who was power hungry and drawn to material things more than a spirituality of compassion.
There were other reporters who dug deeper into Swaggert – including the man who broke the story of Swaggert’s dalliances with prostitutes. They suggested that Swaggert was playing fast and loose with tax and property laws to his advantage…all the while cloaking himself as the victim for what happened in 1988 and saying that he had no money.
Finally, as Swaggert’s health began to fail, his son and grandson grabbed ahold of his coattails and launched into new approaches to ministry. They launched a Christian TV network which was modestly profitable, which helped fuel their opulent lifestyles.
When Jimmy had a heart attack, the historical revisionism began from the pulpit of his church. His son, Donny, began describing his ailing father as the poor victim, whose ministry was responsible for millions of people coming to faith in Christ, and who was greatly misunderstood by the masses. No mention of his Fall from Grace.
And this past weekend, they buried this tortured and suffering man and held a memorial service where people could drown their grief by wallowing in a program about the greatness of Jimmy Swaggert.
It was a pathetic scene.
I’ve tried to be careful in writing these words. I don’t want to be unfair to Jimmy…I believe he is a pitiable figure. Sure, the man’s work was flooded with deception and cover-ups. He was a sex-addict. He was uneducated, but tried to portray himself as a Bible scholar to get some support for his preaching and ministry. And there is no doubt he was a top tier performer and musician.
But Jimmy Swaggert suffered throughout his life. I doubt he ever came to terms with his own dark side. I think his marriage was more a business partnership than the wonderful union that is available to those willing to invest in their mates and their relationship. He knew he was lying and covering up…and because he was also a man with a hunger for things spiritual, he probably had fits and bouts of guilt over it all.
No, I don’t relish this man’s death. The whole thing about heralding him as some champion of the Christian faith is as phony as the man’s real spirituality…paper-thin and absent from the depth of a genuine Christian transformation.
So as he goes to the ultimate day we all face, I pray for God’s grace for this man. Jimmy Swaggert is no different than all of us on some level. Like him, I’ve disappointed people by my dark side. I’ve walked in places where I never should have been…and consorted with people that were no good for me. And most of all, I’ve deceived myself and others about the real mess I am inside. I hide my brokenness and pain instead of rejoicing in the mercy and grace that allows me to look at those times as God’s loving work in a prodigal son.
Rest in peace, Jimmy. And may you now find in the face of Jesus the peace you were denied in your life among us.
From May 2006 until May 2007, I served with a military intelligence battalion in Iraq. I didn’t see combat every day, but we were regularly mortared, rocketed, and fired upon with small arms. Our unit was blessed…we all came home in one piece.
Compared to most of my colleagues, my combat tour was a cakewalk. But I saw enough violence and battle results in our installation hospital and during my years working in hospitals.
Killing a human being is a serious matter. Life is not created by people, and we are not programmed to take it away. In the past, I met and talked with Soldiers and civilians who killed. In most cases, they live the rest of their lives with a dark cloud over them. The ones who do not concern me.
I hear amateurs in biblical theology preach that killing violates the Ten Commandments. “Thou shalt not kill!” they say. But they also don’t seem to note that the texts also instruct the Israelites to kill their enemies in combat. There is a distinction between killing and murdering in Deuteronomy.
Killing is the taking of a life. It encompasses all motives and means. Some killing is immoral, but some killing is not. An example is the accidental taking of a human life. A person is chopping wood, the blade falls off the axe, and strikes an innocent person in the chest, piercing the heart. Such a death, while regrettable, is not punishable.
Murder is another matter. Such killing is done for personal reasons: revenge, lust, and anger are examples. Murder is a crime. The perpetrator of murder forfeits her or his own life if found guilty. It is among the highest felonious behaviors possible for a human to commit.
The Bible does not call killing in defense of oneself or on behalf of one’s country murder. It is killing. A person who kills an enemy combatant from a nation acting on behalf of their government is granted a reprieve from punishment.
But does that mean there are no consequences for killing in combat? Experience is clear on this point. Even when a person is justified in taking a human life or lives, there are scars, especially under certain conditions. Killing innocent babies and children is especially difficult, causing severe psychological trauma in many people.
Another consequence occurs in the human soul after killing. Some people reach a state of psychosis. Some get that state because their moral compass becomes skewed. They become desensitized to killing and need help rebuilding their souls. Others find killing pleasurable and hunger for more. It’s an addiction to them.
Fr. Jim McNeely 