I sat down to write a blog entry about two bishops for the corruption and incompetence they contributed to an event that took place ten years ago. The goal was to expose these men publicly as a warning to those who find themselves “under” their leadership.

I deleted the post.

I could not adequately separate the facts of my case from my emotions. The post became venting and grinding an axe. The inner voice of the Holy Spirit warned me about exposing my process so publicly. The truth? I was playing in the same mud the two episcopal thugs threw around so wantonly. As the old story goes, when you wrestle with a pig you just get disgustingly dirty and the pig likes it!

Another story seems especially meaningful to this circumstance. In an interview done back in the 1990s, Dr. Wayne Dyer told a powerful and beautiful story about real forgiveness. HE said this: “Forgiveness is the aroma left from the flower of the shoe that crushes it.” This profound metaphor exposes my ongoing healing process, telling me the journey is only partly complete.

Fr. Terry Hedrick pastors Church of the Resurrection in Wichita, KS. He remains one of the most blunt and candid persons I know…so much so that it cuts through the normal nonsense down to the simple facts and truths many of us deny. He is a gem of a man and a great resource for his congregation.

At a clergy gathering, this writer made mention that of the desire to spare people the painful experiences experienced in ministry. Fr. Terry jumped in and reprimanded with his usual honesty. To paraphrase his statement, he said that we need to get over both the wounds that keep us in the past and focus our time and attention on what God wants from us in the future. This touched on the truth that too many times we wallow in our own self-pity and project a victim persona. Totally unproductive.

The time has come to put the past behind and strive for a better future. To stop focusing on the corruption and incompetence of others and focus on my own foibles, personality flaws, and areas of ignorance…so I can grow up and become what Christ destines for me.

I hope I can spread the fragrance of forgiveness to all those denied it over the years. And time to pray earnestly for those who need it from my past, both those who supported me in tough moments and those who chose another course of action.

Pray for me, a sinner.